NS-UNI kinda sucks.

Hellooo.
Well Idk,
its one of the weekends that I need you more than ever.
And you are not here.
Idk sometimes I feel like you are not putting enough effort.
I don't know if its me expecting too much from you, or what.
Its like Idk.
Youre in the army and I can only see you at most once a week. Yeah not probs with that.
But there are times I wished I could call you instead of well, anyone else in tembu.
Remember I told you about this person who accompany me the whole of friday, cos I went to 2 different clinics. He accompanied me for the whole day, and did nothing productive, when its like hell week in school. And I was there trying not to be too close to him, trying to walk without support, trying to sleep without leaning towards him at all. I feel damn bad you know. But I cant say no I'll go to see the doctor myself cos well. I can barely walk properly on my own. I need someone to take care of me and that person is not you. How absurd.
I know telling you all these wont help the situation at all so yeah, thats why I havent said anything. Its like I don't see effort on your side sometimes and it feels fucking weird.
Like I am the stupid girl in those dramas who the guy doesnt care about.
Sometimes I cant tell anymore, if you really care or not.
I mean, how can you be so indifferent when you know I am injured?
When I knew when you had guard duty on sunday I am just like, what the hell? I did say you can come to tembu, right? Its not that I didnt. Well all that I did not do is to probe further and schedule you a timing for you to come over cos well. I know you have no intentions to.
I dont know if I am the selfish one or are you the selfish one cos if you really bothered, you would have came by, no matter what. You know you dont really have an excuse for that.
I thought about it.
If you were injured, and in a hostel, without your family, I would change whatever I had away and yeah. Drop by to see how bad is it. But no. You did nothing. You went ahead with your whatever thing you had on friday night, and replied like so fucking slow, then replied me on Saturday fucking afternoon. Dyou know how absurd it felt. It felt like I was secondary - no make it tertiary.
But no I cant tell you all these,
why cos you have a 24hour guard duty the following day I dont want you to think too much and reflect about what a bad boyfriend you are while going through that hellish shit.
But yeah.
There never seem to be a right time I can tell you all these.
I hope we are still alright when that time comes.
I know you probably dont mean it,
but i cant help it but blame you for this.

After awhile I feel nothing anymore, like. I think its just me feeling upset and yeah your support wasn't really there. But can't really blame you also. Yeah so I texted you and told you a bit of stuff and I was afraid that we'd break up. I was afraid that at that point in time I would actually say that I want a break up. But I am so so glad I didnt. It was a stupid mistake on my side.