Thanks for being my gym bike for today. HAHA. Well Idk its weird and gay to be on a double bike but funny at the same time cos LOL. This is probably the ONLY time I'll be on a double freaking bike. <3
MMMM Frankly speaking this week I was thinking if giving a second chance will be regretful. Thats why I didn't post for Vday date (deadpooooool). Honestly when I am with you it feels really nice like really. I won't have thoughts about breaking up or whatever. But when we are apart, or when we are texting, it feels weird. Like I am talking to a small boy and stuff. Will this boy be able to take care of me in the future? Or will I always be the mature and dependable one? Can I depend on you? You don't even bother now then what about next time? Questions like these come to me, and I know avoiding these questions will not do me any good. The thing is, I don't know if I can break up with you or not, and if I should or not, and if I want to or not.
Kinda read through this blog and I realised, this negative feeling didnt start after the ACL op. It started after the ACL tear. Like right after. But reading through the blog make me miss the old us so much. I really do.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Crybabies
Hello,
so uhm 2 days ago, saturday, I met you in the afternoon. We had lunch together at hougang mall manhattan's cos I finally can hobble around a little. But yeah the thing is, it felt really weird and awkz cos we didnt say much. And there were some things on my mind, which I can't bring myself to say it.
Then I don't know what came over me, but I just really needed to get the load off me. It was difficult to bear. So I asked you to come over at night after your reunion w your famz at home, and you did. Really thankful for that talk that night - at least I know I actually do hold some form of importance in your life, even though you this lazy bitch couldn't care less about making me feel so. I really didnt expect you to cry like, at all. I mean I was afraid we'd break up just like that but I guess you were too, after thinking about what you said. Don't say you don't remember. Cos deep down you know you do. HAHA. I believe you aren't as bochap as you'd like to think you are. Even though lazy really is not a legit answer.. But I guess your lack of effort in planning things for me is annoying not cos I dont get shit. Its just cos I don't feel important enough for you to put in effort. So yeah I guess I don't really mind not getting/doing all that typical couplish stuff. Just need to know you still do care yeah. But I guess its kinda hard if there is no effort cos it feels like.. I am not important. So.. HAHA. I guess you need to find some other ways to show your love? HAHA.
And, I dont believe you are that emotion-less. I mean you regret not attending occasional meetups with friends, and that makes you not cold at all. I just hope I won't ever become one of those regrets you have.
But I guess its my fault too.? If I did a better job as a girlfriend maybe you'd be more inclined to be a better boyfriend too. I don't know.
so uhm 2 days ago, saturday, I met you in the afternoon. We had lunch together at hougang mall manhattan's cos I finally can hobble around a little. But yeah the thing is, it felt really weird and awkz cos we didnt say much. And there were some things on my mind, which I can't bring myself to say it.
Then I don't know what came over me, but I just really needed to get the load off me. It was difficult to bear. So I asked you to come over at night after your reunion w your famz at home, and you did. Really thankful for that talk that night - at least I know I actually do hold some form of importance in your life, even though you this lazy bitch couldn't care less about making me feel so. I really didnt expect you to cry like, at all. I mean I was afraid we'd break up just like that but I guess you were too, after thinking about what you said. Don't say you don't remember. Cos deep down you know you do. HAHA. I believe you aren't as bochap as you'd like to think you are. Even though lazy really is not a legit answer.. But I guess your lack of effort in planning things for me is annoying not cos I dont get shit. Its just cos I don't feel important enough for you to put in effort. So yeah I guess I don't really mind not getting/doing all that typical couplish stuff. Just need to know you still do care yeah. But I guess its kinda hard if there is no effort cos it feels like.. I am not important. So.. HAHA. I guess you need to find some other ways to show your love? HAHA.
And, I dont believe you are that emotion-less. I mean you regret not attending occasional meetups with friends, and that makes you not cold at all. I just hope I won't ever become one of those regrets you have.
But I guess its my fault too.? If I did a better job as a girlfriend maybe you'd be more inclined to be a better boyfriend too. I don't know.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Hello
Wow, I havent posted at all for the past month.
Cos, none of the occasions were worth posting.
2016 didnt start off very well for me, and you were.. not to be seen.
I think you were visiting me in my house till school starts, then you came to school once,
then it was anniversary last friday
and you didnt come on friday, cos it was late already.
Did you know how that felt like.
Like I was unimportant.
You wanted to come on saturday. That was so half-hearted I was so turned off by you.
That previous weekend you came, you didnt stay for dinner cos your mom cooked. Wow. you came to show face. much appreciated.
Friday was an exceptionally tough day cos I had to attend 2 classes, take 3 different cabs, with a guy whom everyone thinks I have something going on with him.
Did you know how that felt like.
Like I was a slut.
But I cant bring myself to go to classes alone, I wanted to depend on someone.
The last time I went for classes myself, that was hell.
So, I was studying with him after tutorial and you decided to not come in the end.
It was obvious I was sad. And I was moody. He knows he isn't the person I want beside me at that point in time but hey. He took care of me till the end. Even a friend can do that for me. Where was my boyfriend? Dood, anniversary. I know a date might not mean much to you but hey.
It just reminded me how long we have been together, how many times I tried to convince myself this relationship is worth it, how you are just not good at expressing yourself. Remember what is a healthy relationship? One that we can still be happy without each other. Less happy, but still happy. But now I am wondering how will it be like without you in my life, and without me in yours. Not much difference, evidently.
And I am wondering, if you would try to keep me if I really were to leave. Or will you just let me go since its easier that way. Sometimes I really feel like I am that stupid someone that will accompany you through your ns phase, and then get dumped after that. Yknow I work on loyalty. That explains why I havent said anything much. But now I think my loyalty could be misplaced.
Maybe I am just being overly sensitive, cos I have too much time on my hands to think about these useless stuff than before. And you probably will feel super guilty reading this but, thats all to it.
But let me be naive once more and hang in there for another month or so. I really don't wish whatever nonsense I am thinking of would come true.
Cos, none of the occasions were worth posting.
2016 didnt start off very well for me, and you were.. not to be seen.
I think you were visiting me in my house till school starts, then you came to school once,
then it was anniversary last friday
and you didnt come on friday, cos it was late already.
Did you know how that felt like.
Like I was unimportant.
You wanted to come on saturday. That was so half-hearted I was so turned off by you.
I cabbed home that saturday tearing.
Like life wasnt hard enough already.
That previous weekend you came, you didnt stay for dinner cos your mom cooked. Wow. you came to show face. much appreciated.
Friday was an exceptionally tough day cos I had to attend 2 classes, take 3 different cabs, with a guy whom everyone thinks I have something going on with him.
Did you know how that felt like.
Like I was a slut.
But I cant bring myself to go to classes alone, I wanted to depend on someone.
The last time I went for classes myself, that was hell.
So, I was studying with him after tutorial and you decided to not come in the end.
It was obvious I was sad. And I was moody. He knows he isn't the person I want beside me at that point in time but hey. He took care of me till the end. Even a friend can do that for me. Where was my boyfriend? Dood, anniversary. I know a date might not mean much to you but hey.
It just reminded me how long we have been together, how many times I tried to convince myself this relationship is worth it, how you are just not good at expressing yourself. Remember what is a healthy relationship? One that we can still be happy without each other. Less happy, but still happy. But now I am wondering how will it be like without you in my life, and without me in yours. Not much difference, evidently.
And I am wondering, if you would try to keep me if I really were to leave. Or will you just let me go since its easier that way. Sometimes I really feel like I am that stupid someone that will accompany you through your ns phase, and then get dumped after that. Yknow I work on loyalty. That explains why I havent said anything much. But now I think my loyalty could be misplaced.
Maybe I am just being overly sensitive, cos I have too much time on my hands to think about these useless stuff than before. And you probably will feel super guilty reading this but, thats all to it.
But let me be naive once more and hang in there for another month or so. I really don't wish whatever nonsense I am thinking of would come true.
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