Hello

Wow, I havent posted at all for the past month.
Cos, none of the occasions were worth posting.
2016 didnt start off very well for me, and you were.. not to be seen.
I think you were visiting me in my house till school starts, then you came to school once,
then it was anniversary last friday
and you didnt come on friday, cos it was late already.
Did you know how that felt like.
Like I was unimportant.
You wanted to come on saturday. That was so half-hearted I was so turned off by you.

I cabbed home that saturday tearing.

Like life wasnt hard enough already. 

That previous weekend you came, you didnt stay for dinner cos your mom cooked. Wow. you came to show face. much appreciated.

Friday was an exceptionally tough day cos I had to attend 2 classes, take 3 different cabs, with a guy whom everyone thinks I have something going on with him.
Did you know how that felt like.
Like I was a slut.
But I cant bring myself to go to classes alone, I wanted to depend on someone.
The last time I went for classes myself, that was hell.

So, I was studying with him after tutorial and you decided to not come in the end.
It was obvious I was sad. And I was moody. He knows he isn't the person I want beside me at that point in time but hey. He took care of me till the end. Even a friend can do that for me. Where was my boyfriend? Dood, anniversary. I know a date might not mean much to you but hey.
It just reminded me how long we have been together, how many times I tried to convince myself this relationship is worth it, how you are just not good at expressing yourself. Remember what is a healthy relationship? One that we can still be happy without each other. Less happy, but still happy. But now I am wondering how will it be like without you in my life, and without me in yours. Not much difference, evidently.

And I am wondering, if you would try to keep me if I really were to leave. Or will you just let me go since its easier that way. Sometimes I really feel like I am that stupid someone that will accompany you through your ns phase, and then get dumped after that. Yknow I work on loyalty. That explains why I havent said anything much. But now I think my loyalty could be misplaced.

Maybe I am just being overly sensitive, cos I have too much time on my hands to think about these useless stuff than before. And you probably will feel super guilty reading this but, thats all to it.

But let me be naive once more and hang in there for another month or so. I really don't wish whatever nonsense I am thinking of would come true.